my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
