i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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