i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
