We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
