you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you inspire me to be a worse person
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
