I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
