Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
