Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
