I wish I only lived at night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
