Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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