you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a hot homeless man
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
