Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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