Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
