So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
