It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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