there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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