Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i've created a new STD.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize