I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
