No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
