oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
farters have to be the big spoon...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
