take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Randomize
