Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
