i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
