just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
God, I missed his penis.
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