You're so nebulous sometimes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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