I am in a vortex of obligation.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
