Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He has the fingertips of a God
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