You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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