i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
