Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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