The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
