It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
