I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
