as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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