I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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