super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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