Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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