do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
