Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
