toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
