at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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