either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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