this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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