Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
