Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
