i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
