So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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