The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
