Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
