So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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