I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
