don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize