Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
