she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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