I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
