pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had to cum in my sink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
