You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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