Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize