I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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