I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
