She's JV to your varsity
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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