I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize