Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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