She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
did you just send me my own nude
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
