i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
