I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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