Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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