She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
