i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
