Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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