Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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