omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
