Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have already put on my inside pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
