Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
